Parental food advice

I know this is two posts in quick succession but it's too good to miss...

After the posts about the goat (there was more this evening) both sets of parents have offered advice about the best approach to tackling the meat shortage - principally 'is it worth trying to buy a live chicken and convert it to food'

Charlotte's Mum: 'Don't expect the surgeon to do it. In my experience they have no idea and will complain it's not in their skill set' [I think this has been her experience with pheasants at home]

Geoff's Mum (to Charlotte): 'does the surgeon not know how to kill and clean a chicken?
If not he should speak to his dad - sounds like a kill and clean will be much needed!!'

OK, so we already have conflicting advice on the advisability and who should be tasked with the job. I have subsequently inquired of Joyce whether she thinks a tiny kitchen with unvarnished wooden surfaces is the right location for this act - apparently it's fine if we have a sink.

We have just returned from Tiko's to find what I imagine will become an infamous email from Geoff's dad...

Hi Charlotte

As the only member of the Roberts clan to have killed and cooked a chicken "in the field" I should add let me explain.

1. The Kill  Grab the head in right hand and body in left. Apply tension and with teeth bite firmly 1-2 cms below the back of head. Crunch through the vertebrae (they are quite soft really) and apply increasing tension until the head detaches from the body(or you could do as you find on youtube!). The chicken is now actually quite dead though it may still appear quite active. Dispose of the head. [He's kidding right??]
2. Do not pluck, it is time consuming and measy [He's been drinking? Yes, John, I know you are reading this]. simply skin the chicken and hey presto no feathers!
3. Personally I would at this point take off the breasts and the legs and wings roast with some garlic, herbs, balsamic and lemon serve with crusty bread and a good chardonnay but if you want to roast a whole chicken I believe they have a "vent" Do you know any vets?, they may be of assistance at this point, you may even get an egg when you open the vent and stick your hand in to drag out the entrails. [Um, I think we are good with the goat for now, surely?]

good cooking

always at your service

Dad

Does anyone know a good psychiatrist based in the North East that has a few moments to spare over the next week or so? I would be most grateful...