Changing to a different country, with a different culture makes the whole task more difficult. Particularly where there is a large wealth gap and some expectation that you should be giving people things just because you are white.
I wrote early on about the bars on all the windows and how this gave us comfort, rather than feeling like a prison. But you can't keep the door shut and everything in sight all the time. So who can you trust? And which requests for 'assistance' should not be turned down?
Children
At home I'd probably err on the side of trusting most children. I certainly wouldn't assume that every 7 year old I saw was out to nick things from me. Here it's slightly different. I am directed not to trust them by a sign on the back of our door. I am not allowed to let them loiter (although it doesn't say how to do this) and I'm not to let them in under any circumstances.For the past few months I have been plagued by a particularly delightful young boy (known affectionately as 'the scrote') and his friends. I work with my back to the open door so I normally hear him coming before I see him. 'Oi, stingy!, give me a biscuit'. Right, it never works out that well for him calling me stingy as an opener. He hasn't heeded a single word I've said and normally just laughs in my face. On one occasion he and a friend managed to get in before I realised what had happened - it's tricky keeping an eye on two people at once. They normally want toys, biscuits or pens. They get nothing but mild abuse and told to go away.
The nicer children also get nothing as a gift but more time and consideration. A few months ago, a group came and asked me to teach them to read. I was busy and thought they were just wasting my time so I asked them to come back the next day, which they did, to my surprise. So I sat out for an hour and half going through things with them. When it got dark I suggested they should go home or their mothers would be worried about them. It was dinner time anyway. They left but said they would come the next day.
They turned up again, by which time I'd got proper books from the school at Tiko. Although they were slightly late so I nearly missed my sundowner! At the end I was trying to arrange the next session when one of them said 'When I got home yesterday there was no food for dinner' in as plaintive a voice as he could manage. Unfortunately he misjudged me. The day before he'd told me his dad was a security guard at the hospital, he was well dressed and went to an expensive school. The attempt to extort money was rumbled quickly.
So children - generally not to be trusted
Adults
This one is a bit murkier. Surely there are some adults that you can trust?The slightly troubled men that wander around the hospital area (one of whom calls me 'Mummy') are generally to be trusted if they are outside your house. They are honest about what they want - money, plastic bottles, water, food, your shoes etc. And generally respect your decisions on the matter.
Complete strangers that knock on the door as soon as they see a white person are often given short shrift as they look inside eagerly. "Is that a laptop? Can I have it when you go home?" as if somehow I wouldn't be needing it there!
But what about the gardener and maid?
When we got Moffat (the gardener) he'd been unemployed for over a month, where previously he'd worked every morning Monday-Friday. He was desperate so I (naively) thought he'd be quite grateful when I sought him out to give him a job. Even though our garden is tiny, we agreed to pay him for 2 mornings a week. I even persuaded Fi and Rory to take him on.
In the beginning, I thought that some of the things he quoted were quite expensive but I didn't want to be too suspicious and they weren't excessive amounts of money. I did ponder about why we needed an ox cart (at 50 pin) to bring the bundles of grass but when another one was needed to bring some additional sticks we didn't get charged.
Then it was planting time. In two of the beds he'd put the seed packet at the end. For the other beds there was no seed packet. Mysteriously plants only grew in the beds with seed packets at the end...
He needed money for fertiliser for his crops otherwise 5 children and 3 orphans would die. He needed 8 bags at 220pin each. But if Fi and Rory paid for 5 and I paid for 5, that would be OK. Yes, it would be for him, it would also be 10 bags. I asked in Pharmacy and they said that would cover a Hectare, which seemed excessive. Plus bags were only 190pin this year.
We gave him money for 2 bags (£50). He said that would be OK if Fi and Rory did the same. Later we offered to pay him for 4 weeks in advance so he could buy another bag. To his credit he came back and didn't just run off.
We'd heard from Fi and Rory that he had a tendency to make off with their bananas and mangos and just laughed when they expressed annoyance.
He hit on a new way of getting money out of us. He had a funeral to go to. A few weeks later he tried it again (why not? it worked first time). Only this time he had two separate funeral stories - one for me and one for Fi and Rory. As if we might not confer. I wondered if I was employing a toddler.
Gemma wanted the fence extending. This was going to cost more money. We needed more grass - why? I asked, we had plenty left over from last time. Oh! Well, we need money for bamboo slats? Why? I didn't pay last time! It was only £4 so Gemma paid him. Then he wanted money for nails. Why? For the gates! he said. Right, nobody else's gates have nails - the hinges are made of bark strands. I'm not building Buckingham Palace.
Next came a demand for a Christmas bonus. I said I'd think about it. Unfortunately for Moffat, Geoff and I were looking for the slasher (used for cutting grass) that weekend for a photo. It wasn't there. John the engineer told us that his gardener was forever selling his garden equipment. Moffat claimed to have taken it home to sharpen it but the returned article is a different shape and colour...
My patience is running a little low. I don't think it is my personal obligation to give everyone that asks money. If I am going to do it then I wouldn't choose Moffat - he has good clothes, a very nice bicycle etc. There are more needy people in the villages. I'm waiting for him to come and demand a 'Remembrance' from us, as he did to Fi and Rory. Perhaps I'll give him a copy of the photo I took of him in the garden...
Not wanting to let this experience jade us, we decided to trust the maid. We didn't have much choice. The first day she came we needed to go to Immigration before she was done. We locked the cupboard with the valuables in and left her in the house with a key. She'd done a super job by the time we returned. John raised his eyebrows at us leaving her alone.
And this attitude is a problem. None of the ex-pats are prepared to have anyone in the house - so they can't employ a maid (and help local people) - and this is because some people have had things taken. It turns out that our maid probably took some batteries from John one day. The Mess staff took batteries and a mobile phone from the students. There's a general mistrust.
This week a lady knocked on the door and asked if we needed a maid. I said I didn't - I already had one. Abraham caught me later and asked if any of the doctors needed a maid. This lady had hit hard times. She's alone and has 2 children, she really needs work. But without any guidance on who is and isn't trustworthy, she isn't likely to find it amongst the ex-pats.
One person that can be trusted, of course, is Abraham. If you lend him money he will always pay you back :)
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